When you are clear about your values, you can consider how to let your values lead your life. What things are you doing that are consistent with your values? What values have you been overlooking?
If you value relationships, you can take time to connect with loved ones.
If you value respect, you might file a complaint about a doctor who you felt did not respect you.
Sometimes you might think you should be doing something different than what you are doing, or what you want to do. For example, when you were harmed in healthcare, maybe you chose to talk to people you care about, but you think you should have filed a complaint. If you value relationships, talking to people you care about is consistent with that value. Sometimes thinking about your values helps you understand that what you did was right for you.
Other times taking action that aligns with your values can be hard and you might not know where to start. Let’s think about the example of making a formal complaint against a doctor. The task of making a complaint can be broken down into smaller steps. First you might ask for help or look up information yourself. For example, there are resources with this information on our website; you can use this information to figure out small steps toward your goal. As you make your way through these steps you can check each off your list. If you feel lost, any step you take toward finding out what you need to do or where you need to go is a step toward your goal. Each step, no matter how small, is part of acting in line with your values.
There are things that can get in the way of making a choice toward a goal. Things like thoughts, emotions, and other barriers get in the way. Making choices that are in line with our values can be hard, and sometimes we take the easier path. Any time a situation is hard you are faced with a “choice point” – a point in time where you are presented with a chance to either move toward or away from what you value. Whatever choice you make, it gives you information. You can decide if you are happy with the choice you made, or if you want to make a different choice next time. There is no right or wrong answer. You always get to decide.
I now want you to think about this quote from Yoda “Do or do not. There is no try.”
What is “trying”? Is it thinking about taking an action? Taking a step toward a goal? Choosing to do something else instead? Each of these things is an action on its own. So “trying” doesn’t really mean anything.
Everything we do in life is a choice. It can be hard to notice or believe this. Part of the reason is because sometimes we get stuck on “autopilot”. This is like letting someone else drive your life bus or telling you where to drive. But we have power in everything we do every day. We get to make our choices and choose which direction to drive.
Choices can be difficult. Thankfully, values are a perfect compass for your life that are specific for you. Your values can help guide the behavioural choices that you make – choices that can lead you to your goals. We also want to set up our goals so that we are likely to achieve them. In particular we want our goals to be specific, realistic, and meaningful.
- Being specific involves specifying the actions you will take, when and where you will do them, and who or what is involved. (e.g., I am going to read for 15 minutes before going to bed starting on Tuesday March 18th)
- Being realistic means choosing goals that you can achieve. For example, if you are currently not physically active it might be unrealistic to set a goal to run a marathon next week. A more realistic goal may be to go for a walk two times in the next week.
- Finally, it’s also important that goals are personally meaningful to you. If it is guided by your values, then it will be meaningful.
While thinking about goals we might also want to think about things that may get in your way. These can be things like time, finances, or lack of energy. They can also be logistical things such as transportation. Sometimes it is our thoughts, feelings, or judgments that get in the way. You might find that the two sections (Paying Attention to the Here and Now, and Thoughts and Feelings Are What They Are) are helpful for managing these barriers.